Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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