He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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