I want to stick my p in your. b.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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