What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
