walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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