Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
