a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
