You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
