She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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