My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
