I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
