i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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