he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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