tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he told me I talked like a deaf person
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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