My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
