he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
