So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize