Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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