have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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