I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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