Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
