The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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