The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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