Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
