YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
