after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
