im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
