and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
