All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
