I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
