I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
