Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
