I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
