y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
