hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize