I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
