saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
They have beer where we have blood.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
