so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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