do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
