oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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