My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize