YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My vagina is officially offended.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
