my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
