Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He has the fingertips of a God
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