dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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