i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Randomize
