Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize