you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
