I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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