you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Small penises have feelings too.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
