I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize