i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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