does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
