People in love make me want to vomit
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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