We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
