I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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