I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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