Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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