Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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