A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
