So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I love having hate sex.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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