Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
last night I used snow as a chaser
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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