I feel great
I just peed on a car
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize