omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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