I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Someone stole a lamp last night.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
