i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
