Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I FOUND THE LEGS
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
