My underwear smells like fireworks.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize