is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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