the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
