the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize