Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
