last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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