at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
