Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
