Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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