I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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