Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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