i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize