Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
