...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
