Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
