There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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