wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
