I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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