i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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