she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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