Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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