i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
