I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
