i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
