Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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